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35 Indie Author Bingo

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We mean no harm or insult to Indie authors. We here at Various Garbage support a free and open market for literature on the internet. But it’s impossible for us not to poke fun when we filled this card out in one day. It’s incredible to watch Serpie’s twitter feed (over his shoulder, of course) and see the floating heads and book stacks flow by. Lizard wants to do an Indie game bingo, while Serpie wants to do web comic bingo. I think bingo isn’t that great and that we should move on. Let us know what you think on twitter.

-Uncle Dogster

34 Rise of the Amiibo Antichrist

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Lizard and I are avid players of Super Smash Brothers 4. I wouldn’t say we’re good, we’re far from competitive play, but we’re not terrible. Despite the fact I main DeDeDe, I swear I don’t suck. Serpie has always expressed an interest in Smash Bros, but isn’t the sort of person willing to spend the time to train up. So we introduced him to the Amiibo training system with the company Mario Amiibo. I admit, I helped him train the little beast. To this day I don’t know what he did to that Amiibo but that Thing is beyond help. Alpha, as It’s new name implies, has dominated the Various Garbage Smash scene without fail. The only time It has been defeated is when we play some cheap trick on it. They never work twice.
-Uncle Dogster

P.S. Whenever we find ourselves at a con booth expect to see Alpha. We’ll bring him. If you can beat It, you’ll get a free shirt. Ain’t that neat? Good luck, you’re gonna need it.

33 Mechahitler

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It’s finally over. After years of work, the Shitler arc is done. After hours of sitting around, handing every guard the most powerful, expensive equipment, and listening to the cries of those who believed we were enabling “Fail RP,” we finally have something to show for it. To this day, the server where Mecha-Hitler was even an option has a rule. “No Shitler.” John Pickle is a name that has weight. It’s a threat. Finally, we can move on.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Nazi nazi nazi Hitler mecha robots. I learned what SEO meant.

32 Shitler Part Eleven

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Let’s be real here. I just wrote number 31’s blurb a few minutes ago. I am one fat, lazy dog. Instead of doing my blurbs, I’ve been organizing a second bone crusade in Elder Scrolls Online. We’ve already got a much better turnout just from signups. That’s right, Nazis bore me. Big news if true. Also working on a future D&D comic arc. If it weren’t for Discovery Freelancer and Homeworld Remastered, maybe some of it might be done. Oh well.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Serpie walked in while I was working, and witnessed BlizLizard pacing as I write while I play the Touhou soundtrack composed of nothing but dog barks. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

31 Shitler Part Ten

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Nazis seem to be a touchy subject nowadays but I feel like I’ve walked the Hitler tightrope pretty well. On one hand, we discussed how cool their uniforms were (which they were) and we’ve accepted that their weapons were leagues ahead of anyone else’s (which they were). On the other, the whole concept of the Shitler arc is that Nazis suck and crushing them from the inside is the only way to go. Sure, I had to throw on some Nazi duds but if it’s for the cause, whatever. It’s not my fault I look great in tan. Maybe someday we’ll get to do something other than the 1940s. Maybe we’ll revisit the Sith or start something new. One can hope.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. please rescue me I’m being held hostage by gnomes they have kitchen knives and I can’t get away alone.

30 Shitler Part Nine

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This week the Minge and the Cringe have a one-sided verbal spar. It’s important to mention, these comics are based¬†on real events. The Minge and the Cringe are not based on real people. The Minge and the Cringe are concepts. The Cringe stands for serious, hardcore role play. The Cringe takes himself and the fantasy worlds he visits fully and completely seriously. It is not wrong to be on the Cringe’s side, since some of the best lore comes from the Cringe. The Minge, on the other hand, stands for letting loose and screwing with people. Lying all the time, messing with the system, all while using the most broken weapon to ruin everyone else’s fun. It’s not wrong to be aligned with the Minge, I am and I’m not a bad person.

I hope.
-Uncle Dogster

 

29 Shitler Part Eight – The Minge and the Cringe

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Oh boy. Don’t let Serpie’s lies fool you. I’ve been hard at work on a Various Garbage Discord channel. A Discord channel will allow us to interact with you directly, as well as allow us to host fun events for all ages to enjoy. It’ll be a real banger. I’ve also been rallying my little personal army for a second resurgence of the Bone. Soon enough, my bone brothers and sisters, we shall ride again on yet another great Bone Crusade, to bone all the peasants in the lands. No, I will never stop thinking skeletons are funny, yes, all are welcome among the cleansing bone.
-Uncle Dogster

 

26 Shitler Part Six

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It’s strange to see that Evil has sort of formed into two groups (I say Evil and I mean undeniable evil, like Sauron, vampires, and care bears). You’ve either got classic monster evil. Things like vampires, skeleton minions, orcs and such. Classic evil laughs maniacally as they do their dark deeds, spreading chaos and destruction across the lands. Think of Dracula, undead warriors in tombs, or Voldemort. I don’t know if Voldemort is that good of an example since he couldn’t even defeat a bunch of high school kids, but you get the idea. Classic evil wants to defeat the protagonists to further their searches for power and dominion of the material world. Then you’ve got what I’m calling Neo-Evil. Neo-Evil doesn’t have as grand goals as Classic Evil did. Neo-Evil hates a specific person or group due to some past event, or was made evil out of either someone else’s actions or bad luck, instead of a conscious and unbiased decision that the “good guys” suck and should be squashed because they stand in the way of the plan. This can make for more interesting villains like Bakugo (correct me if I’m wrong, I haven’t gotten far into MHA yet) from My Hero Academia or Mr. Freeze from DC. I find it interesting that It’s not enough to just be power hungry anymore, now you need a reason to be mean, preferably something that makes you super “relate-able”. Why can’t evil just be evil?
-Uncle Dogster

P.S. I’m not evil.

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