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39 Straight Shooters

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Video game journalism has seen some ups and downs in recent history.  The new Star Wars Battlefront 2 beta, for example, received an incredible amount of flak for what is best described as nit picky know-it-alls hunting for reasons to complain, sucking the fun and potential from the game like some sort of journalist vampire. Things such as the crate system were blown way out of proportion, so much so that the developers were forced to reiterate that they were going to be overhauled before release. I find it hard to believe that the Battlefront 2 loot crates can be so much worse than the repetitive, meaningless pile of trash that is Overwatch. Eugh.

There is a strange phenomenon going on in the game journalist circles. Reviews are written on games by people that don’t play games. I wouldn’t be so critical on the game journalist industry if it wasn’t so important to the lifespan of a game. All it takes is one slip and oops! A game with massive potential that could have had a long lifetime has died within months because it was given to the journalist who didn’t like the color of the villain’s shoes. Some games, like Cuphead, can survive and even thrive despite the trash, but certain other games that will NOT be named have caused enough internet drama to fill a life time. Why are people that don’t even play and understand games deciding their fates?

Seems like nonsense to me.

-Uncle Dogster

38 Boneman Redux

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It’s been a while since we touched on Elder Scrolls Online. For a quick refresher, Lizard is an all powerful wizard traveling the lands in search for history and adventure, and I am a skeleton who impulsively kills any villager i find. Good times and wacky antics abound. Sometimes Lizard gets tired of my antics, and this comic is based on one such encounter. No real people were harmed, of course. Some immersion was broken though.

 

37 Weird Old Trick

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Skyrim Together is on the cusp of release, Bethesda’s Creation Club is ruining everything, and the sails have been hoisted. That’s right folks, October has commenced, and that means two things. One, it’s time for everyone at Various Garbage to start playing Skyrim again. Two, the time for Skeletons is once again at hand. Expect a bunch of odd bone related jokes as well as other spooky hi-jinks for the coming month.

-Uncle Dogster

P.S. Skyrim Together is a mod under development that intends to add genuine, playable, modifiable (to a degree) multiplayer Skyrim: Special Edition. If you don’t think I’m psyched out of my mind about it, you’re mistaken.

36 Doomed

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Doom 2016 and Wolfenstein: New Order are coming to the Nintendo Switch.. I mean, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, and don’t get me wrong, I am fully on board for Nintendo taking a more adult approach, but this is a jump I was NOT expecting. Skyrim, I admit, does have blood and action and some seriously darker tones, but Doom? This is a franchise about fighting the legions of hell by brutalizing everything you can get your little hands on.

Isn’t that kind of awesome?
-Uncle Dogster

35 Indie Author Bingo

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We mean no harm or insult to Indie authors. We here at Various Garbage support a free and open market for literature on the internet. But it’s impossible for us not to poke fun when we filled this card out in one day. It’s incredible to watch Serpie’s twitter feed (over his shoulder, of course) and see the floating heads and book stacks flow by. Lizard wants to do an Indie game bingo, while Serpie wants to do web comic bingo. I think bingo isn’t that great and that we should move on. Let us know what you think on twitter.

-Uncle Dogster

34 Rise of the Amiibo Antichrist

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Lizard and I are avid players of Super Smash Brothers 4. I wouldn’t say we’re good, we’re far from competitive play, but we’re not terrible. Despite the fact I main DeDeDe, I swear I don’t suck. Serpie has always expressed an interest in Smash Bros, but isn’t the sort of person willing to spend the time to train up. So we introduced him to the Amiibo training system with the company Mario Amiibo. I admit, I helped him train the little beast. To this day I don’t know what he did to that Amiibo but that Thing is beyond help. Alpha, as It’s new name implies, has dominated the Various Garbage Smash scene without fail. The only time It has been defeated is when we play some cheap trick on it. They never work twice.
-Uncle Dogster

P.S. Whenever we find ourselves at a con booth expect to see Alpha. We’ll bring him. If you can beat It, you’ll get a free shirt. Ain’t that neat? Good luck, you’re gonna need it.

33 Mechahitler

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It’s finally over. After years of work, the Shitler arc is done. After hours of sitting around, handing every guard the most powerful, expensive equipment, and listening to the cries of those who believed we were enabling “Fail RP,” we finally have something to show for it. To this day, the server where Mecha-Hitler was even an option has a rule. “No Shitler.” John Pickle is a name that has weight. It’s a threat. Finally, we can move on.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Nazi nazi nazi Hitler mecha robots. I learned what SEO meant.

32 Shitler Part Eleven

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Let’s be real here. I just wrote number 31’s blurb a few minutes ago. I am one fat, lazy dog. Instead of doing my blurbs, I’ve been organizing a second bone crusade in Elder Scrolls Online. We’ve already got a much better turnout just from signups. That’s right, Nazis bore me. Big news if true. Also working on a future D&D comic arc. If it weren’t for Discovery Freelancer and Homeworld Remastered, maybe some of it might be done. Oh well.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Serpie walked in while I was working, and witnessed BlizLizard pacing as I write while I play the Touhou soundtrack composed of nothing but dog barks. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

31 Shitler Part Ten

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Nazis seem to be a touchy subject nowadays but I feel like I’ve walked the Hitler tightrope pretty well. On one hand, we discussed how cool their uniforms were (which they were) and we’ve accepted that their weapons were leagues ahead of anyone else’s (which they were). On the other, the whole concept of the Shitler arc is that Nazis suck and crushing them from the inside is the only way to go. Sure, I had to throw on some Nazi duds but if it’s for the cause, whatever. It’s not my fault I look great in tan. Maybe someday we’ll get to do something other than the 1940s. Maybe we’ll revisit the Sith or start something new. One can hope.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. please rescue me I’m being held hostage by gnomes they have kitchen knives and I can’t get away alone.

30 Shitler Part Nine

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This week the Minge and the Cringe have a one-sided verbal spar. It’s important to mention, these comics are based on real events. The Minge and the Cringe are not based on real people. The Minge and the Cringe are concepts. The Cringe stands for serious, hardcore role play. The Cringe takes himself and the fantasy worlds he visits fully and completely seriously. It is not wrong to be on the Cringe’s side, since some of the best lore comes from the Cringe. The Minge, on the other hand, stands for letting loose and screwing with people. Lying all the time, messing with the system, all while using the most broken weapon to ruin everyone else’s fun. It’s not wrong to be aligned with the Minge, I am and I’m not a bad person.

I hope.
-Uncle Dogster

 

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