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The Lizard is our straight man, a stand up stalwart guy, and not nearly as cold blooded as you might think.

39 Straight Shooters

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Video game journalism has seen some ups and downs in recent history.  The new Star Wars Battlefront 2 beta, for example, received an incredible amount of flak for what is best described as nit picky know-it-alls hunting for reasons to complain, sucking the fun and potential from the game like some sort of journalist vampire. Things such as the crate system were blown way out of proportion, so much so that the developers were forced to reiterate that they were going to be overhauled before release. I find it hard to believe that the Battlefront 2 loot crates can be so much worse than the repetitive, meaningless pile of trash that is Overwatch. Eugh.

There is a strange phenomenon going on in the game journalist circles. Reviews are written on games by people that don’t play games. I wouldn’t be so critical on the game journalist industry if it wasn’t so important to the lifespan of a game. All it takes is one slip and oops! A game with massive potential that could have had a long lifetime has died within months because it was given to the journalist who didn’t like the color of the villain’s shoes. Some games, like Cuphead, can survive and even thrive despite the trash, but certain other games that will NOT be named have caused enough internet drama to fill a life time. Why are people that don’t even play and understand games deciding their fates?

Seems like nonsense to me.

-Uncle Dogster

38 Boneman Redux

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It’s been a while since we touched on Elder Scrolls Online. For a quick refresher, Lizard is an all powerful wizard traveling the lands in search for history and adventure, and I am a skeleton who impulsively kills any villager i find. Good times and wacky antics abound. Sometimes Lizard gets tired of my antics, and this comic is based on one such encounter. No real people were harmed, of course. Some immersion was broken though.

 

37 Weird Old Trick

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Skyrim Together is on the cusp of release, Bethesda’s Creation Club is ruining everything, and the sails have been hoisted. That’s right folks, October has commenced, and that means two things. One, it’s time for everyone at Various Garbage to start playing Skyrim again. Two, the time for Skeletons is once again at hand. Expect a bunch of odd bone related jokes as well as other spooky hi-jinks for the coming month.

-Uncle Dogster

P.S. Skyrim Together is a mod under development that intends to add genuine, playable, modifiable (to a degree) multiplayer Skyrim: Special Edition. If you don’t think I’m psyched out of my mind about it, you’re mistaken.

33 Mechahitler

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It’s finally over. After years of work, the Shitler arc is done. After hours of sitting around, handing every guard the most powerful, expensive equipment, and listening to the cries of those who believed we were enabling “Fail RP,” we finally have something to show for it. To this day, the server where Mecha-Hitler was even an option has a rule. “No Shitler.” John Pickle is a name that has weight. It’s a threat. Finally, we can move on.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Nazi nazi nazi Hitler mecha robots. I learned what SEO meant.

32 Shitler Part Eleven

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Let’s be real here. I just wrote number 31’s blurb a few minutes ago. I am one fat, lazy dog. Instead of doing my blurbs, I’ve been organizing a second bone crusade in Elder Scrolls Online. We’ve already got a much better turnout just from signups. That’s right, Nazis bore me. Big news if true. Also working on a future D&D comic arc. If it weren’t for Discovery Freelancer and Homeworld Remastered, maybe some of it might be done. Oh well.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Serpie walked in while I was working, and witnessed BlizLizard pacing as I write while I play the Touhou soundtrack composed of nothing but dog barks. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

29 Shitler Part Eight – The Minge and the Cringe

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Oh boy. Don’t let Serpie’s lies fool you. I’ve been hard at work on a Various Garbage Discord channel. A Discord channel will allow us to interact with you directly, as well as allow us to host fun events for all ages to enjoy. It’ll be a real banger. I’ve also been rallying my little personal army for a second resurgence of the Bone. Soon enough, my bone brothers and sisters, we shall ride again on yet another great Bone Crusade, to bone all the peasants in the lands. No, I will never stop thinking skeletons are funny, yes, all are welcome among the cleansing bone.
-Uncle Dogster

 

26 Shitler Part Six

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It’s strange to see that Evil has sort of formed into two groups (I say Evil and I mean undeniable evil, like Sauron, vampires, and care bears). You’ve either got classic monster evil. Things like vampires, skeleton minions, orcs and such. Classic evil laughs maniacally as they do their dark deeds, spreading chaos and destruction across the lands. Think of Dracula, undead warriors in tombs, or Voldemort. I don’t know if Voldemort is that good of an example since he couldn’t even defeat a bunch of high school kids, but you get the idea. Classic evil wants to defeat the protagonists to further their searches for power and dominion of the material world. Then you’ve got what I’m calling Neo-Evil. Neo-Evil doesn’t have as grand goals as Classic Evil did. Neo-Evil hates a specific person or group due to some past event, or was made evil out of either someone else’s actions or bad luck, instead of a conscious and unbiased decision that the “good guys” suck and should be squashed because they stand in the way of the plan. This can make for more interesting villains like Bakugo (correct me if I’m wrong, I haven’t gotten far into MHA yet) from My Hero Academia or Mr. Freeze from DC. I find it interesting that It’s not enough to just be power hungry anymore, now you need a reason to be mean, preferably something that makes you super “relate-able”. Why can’t evil just be evil?
-Uncle Dogster

P.S. I’m not evil.

25 Shitler Part Five

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We’re finally continuing the Shitler arc. Not only are we picking up a while after we left off, but we’re also introducing a new regular, Cookie. He loves long walks on the beach, dancing in the rain, and blowing fascist dictators to smithereens, all while sporting his iconic balaclava. What a swell guy.

In other news I love Rust for the same reason I hate Rust. It is a constant storm of chaos and destruction. You can’t go 5 minutes without someone getting shot, betrayed, killed, or enslaved. I’m experiencing this draining cycle once more with Cookie and Lizard (much less Lizard, he ends up playing Planet Coaster more often.) I’m feeling burned out after 3 solid days of Rust, but I can’t just give up now. That would let my enemies win. I refuse to give them that satisfaction.

-Uncle Dogster

P.S. Cookie if you’re reading this, I’m sorry about the dating profile joke. I know you’re in a VERY serious relationship with your Dakimakura. No harm intended. <3

14 The Bone Man

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I just can’t help myself. As soon as I found out you could turn into a skeleton in Elder Scrolls: Online, it was over. There is no Haznar Blubbins, only Boneman. I have become a considerable weight to my team. I require at least two escorts whenever we pass through any town, not to protect me, but to protect the town. Haznar Blubbins was once a good man, helping people and fighting evil, no longer. In my defense, the NPCs are insufferably whiny. I’m pretty sure Tamriel’s society completely depends on the fact that adventurers need XP from quests. As it turns out, killing them also gives out XP. Oddly enough, I’ve discovered that I’m not the only one with an insatiable lust for murder. A boneman guild, the Bonemen (do not be dissuaded, ladies, we accept bone babes as well as skele-sisters and calcium cuties) has formed, our sole purpose being to spread death and chaos across Tamriel, leaving a sea of bodies in our wake. If you decide you want to join me in my crazy carnage carnival, my account name is uncle_dogster, send me a friend request and I’ll bring you into the fold. Join us, my brothers and sisters, for all fleshies must die!

-Uncle Dogster

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