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A super powerful being, cursed to live forever with the head of a horse by a witch he had a one night stand with in the 1980s. Likes nachos and punching things, easily bored.

19 The Return of Mr. Horse Part Five

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Hey guys, I see we’ve gotten a lot of new people as of late. I wanted to welcome you guys to our site, and to apologize for the website. We’re working on getting it cleaned up, I promise! If any of you guys feel like you want to prove you’re human, feel free to comment on the page or send any of us (@Uncle_Dogster, @Blizzardlizard) some tweets on Twitter. I love chatting with people, it lets me get out of work.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S.. Sorry for the short one today, I’ve got some big stuff to talk about coming up soon! That is, if any of you read these.

18 The Return of Mr. Horse Part Four

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It’s completely ridiculous to think that squirrels could be oranges. Oranges, a fruit designed to spread the seeds inside their delicious cores far and wide, and squirrels, small fuzzy critters that store nuts for the winter, can’t be the same thing. Some ask me, what if it was an orange shaped like a squirrel? That’s just a mutated orange. What if it was a squirrel that was orange? That’s just a squirrel that fell into some orange paint. Let’s imagine a situation where a living breathing squirrel is made up of oranges, isn’t that even more confusing? Does it have a cardiovascular system and muscle tissue, or does it photosynthesize and survive off the nutrients given to it by the tree? I don’t know.
-Uncle Dogster

17 The Return of Mr. Horse Part Three

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Something something something Planetside 2. I’ve had Planetside 2 for a while, and I’ve gone through several accounts. My mistake was that I stopped playing for a solid 3-4 years, and now I have no idea what’s what and what isn’t. I’m spending more time relearning the game than I am helping to teach my friends about how to play and what to do. But they put up with me and still follow me so I appreciate them for that. Just last night, we were stuck in a biolab while the New Conglomerate, the blue team or more commonly known as the smurfs, suppressed us and prevented our advance but we were making the big bucks doing it (sitting behind the front line and supplying munitions and medical treatment is an easy way to get points). Even though we were making a mint, our team, the Terran Republic (red), was losing the battle. The smurfs had far more troops then we did and our foothold was faltering. So I had to ask my good friends to come with me to try and pull the smurfs away from this battle so we could divide and conquer, which wouldn’t make as much money or be as easy. Even though it was a half-baked plan, everyone jumped into the APC with me and took off. We died a lot, and we ended up yelling more than laughing, but because we distracted the smurfs, our team took the biolab. Walking through there after the battle knowing we were a key component to the victory was satisfying even though it immediately after came under attack and soon we were right back where we started. As Cookie put it, “Out of the frying pan and into another, equally hot frying pan.” Despite all that my friends stuck with me. We’d accomplished something together, even if it was a fake something in a fake place, it felt real because I was with them. I couldn’t ask for a better group of fellas to play with.

-Uncle Dogster
P.S. The victory at the biolab was attributed to the Angels of Death regiment, as they got the most kills. We were all mildly salted, but you have to pick your battles.

16 The Return of Mr. Horse Part Two

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I get a powerful sickening feeling when I think back to my early stories. Stories with heavy handed narratives and characters that are so embarrassingly shallow it causes me physical pain. This is how I write this comic. A lot of what happens in this comic, be it Mr Horse breaking into an outpost with friends in tow or Uncle Dogster and friends facing off against fascist regimes, are based off of actual adventures my friends and I have had over the years. A good part of my job here is digging through my old notes and stories to look for good ideas for the comic, which leads to a lot, and I mean A LOT of agonizing stuff. You can see a little bit of this cringe shine through with some of the old character names. At one time, Omega Darklight really did sound cool. Now it sounds like we’re being tongue in cheek, and we are, but Omega was not a joke x amount of years ago.  No offense to Cookie, Omega’s creator/our elf from ESO/one of my best friends, but just thinking about what’s under Omega’s mask and cloak gives me a strong urge to vomit. I made the mistake of telling Serpie the truth, and he spent a solid minute covering his face and crying. I was worried he was going to die.
-Uncle Dogster
P.S. Funny note, the aliens in the outpost were supposed to be the Apex from Starbound, but I forgot to include that detail in my script so Serpie went ahead and put in his Eldritch Assembly from our many games of Paradox’s Stellaris, a favorite among our team. So I guess they inhabit the same universe now. If he’s including his races, I can’t let him get away without everyone getting a cameo at least, or perhaps I should just write a Stellaris comic? Don’t worry, I don’t expect an answer, I know no one reads this.

15 The Return of Mr. Horse Part One

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So, we have a new Mr Horse comic on the way. And this time it’s set in Starbound’s universe. I’ll let you in on a little secret, dear reader. Come closer, a bit closer, there we are. I hate Starbound. I hate it with such a burning passion that it dwarfs the game’s actual suns. Some of this hate may stem from an old competition between BlizzardLizard and myself. Two games were announced around the same time, the Lizard thought Starbound would succeed, I thought Star Citizen would succeed. Many laughed in my face then, and they still do now, and I suppose they’re not wrong. I don’t hate the other Chucklefish games, I love Risk of Rain, but Starbound is just the perfect mixture of sub-par procedural generation and shoddy story to really cheese me off. Or maybe I’m not the target audience. I don’t know, and I don’t care to know, I’d rather be playing Terraria, and that’s all that really matters to me. At least, that’s what I told my friends and colleagues whenever they asked me to play, but their puppy eyes and sad, sad pleas always convinced me to play with them. I’ve spent more than 200 hours playing a game I don’t enjoy for that reason only. At least I got the character Mr Horse from all that time, as well as this story arc. These are, of course, all my opinions. Not everyone likes every game, and you, my lovely reader, may like Starbound.
-Uncle Dogster

P.S. If the three or so of you who read this are on the go and feel like you need to sprinkle in some Star Wars, you should check out Starguments, they make a fun Star Wars podcast that everyone here enjoys. Let them know that If they’re looking for a guest star evil Sith at any point in the future they should know I’ve yelled “just crush it with the Force!” while listening to them 12 times or so.

Actually, I’m pretty sure Risk of Rain wasn’t made by Chucklefish, just published by them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-Blizzardizard

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